12 Signs of Childhood Trauma in Adults — and How to Start Healing
Maybe you’ve worked hard to keep it all together. On the outside, things look fine. You show up at work, care for your family, and handle what life throws at you. But under the surface, you’re anxious, numb, overwhelmed, or stuck in old patterns you can’t shake.
These struggles aren’t random quirks. They’re often signs of childhood trauma showing up in adulthood. And while it can feel discouraging, the good news is: what was learned can be unlearned. With support, it’s possible to rewire your nervous system and finally feel safe inside your own body.
In this post, we’ll cover 12 common signs of childhood trauma in adults and how trauma therapy in Oakland can help you heal.
12 Signs of Childhood Trauma in Adults
Constant anxiety or hypervigilance
You’re always braced for impact, even when nothing’s wrong. Relaxing feels unsafe.Feeling emotionally numb or disconnected
Instead of joy or sadness, you feel flat, like life is happening around you, not to you.People-pleasing or fawning
Saying “yes” feels safer than risking conflict. You ignore your own needs to keep the peace.Struggling to set and hold boundaries
Every “no” is followed by guilt, fear, or self-doubt.Low self-worth
You feel “too much,” “not enough,” or fundamentally broken, no matter how much you achieve.Somatic symptoms
Tight chest, clenched jaw, stomach issues, or chronic fatigue with no clear medical cause.Relationship struggles
You’re drawn to people who are emotionally unavailable, or you push away the safe ones.Freeze response under stress
Your mind goes blank in conflict. Later, you replay it endlessly, wondering why you couldn’t respond.Carrying deep shame
You blame yourself for things that weren’t your fault, like your parents’ inability to show up.Struggling to trust yourself
Every decision feels overwhelming. You overanalyze, second-guess, and defer to others.Grief that hits unexpectedly
Holidays, milestones, or even random days leave you overwhelmed with sadness for what you didn’t get.Critical inner voice
Your parents’ words still echo in your head, shaping how you see yourself and your worth.
Why These Signs Show Up
As kids, we adapt to survive. When home wasn’t safe, your nervous system rewired itself to keep you alert, compliant, or invisible. Those survival strategies might have protected you then, but as an adult, they leave you anxious, numb, or disconnected.
How Trauma Therapy Helps You Heal
Healing isn’t about erasing the past. It’s about giving your nervous system a new experience of safety. In my Oakland practice, I use EMDR therapy, Internal Family Systems (IFS), and somatic approaches to help you:
Reprocess painful memories without being overwhelmed
Release survival strategies like people-pleasing or constant vigilance
Learn to set boundaries without guilt
Reconnect with parts of yourself that were silenced or shamed
Build self-trust and compassion
Trauma therapy creates a safe container where you can finally grieve, release, and rewire old patterns so you can live fully in the present.
Final Thoughts
If you see yourself in these signs, it doesn’t mean you’re broken—it means your body adapted to survive. The healing journey is about updating those strategies so you can feel safe, whole, and grounded.
You don’t have to do it alone.
If you’re ready to move past survival mode, I offer trauma therapy intensives in Oakland designed to help you go deeper, faster. Book a free 20-minute consult to see if this approach is right for you.
About the Author
Mary Fleisch, LCSW, is a trauma therapist in Oakland specializing in EMDR intensives, IFS, and ketamine-assisted therapy. She helps adults heal from childhood trauma, emotional neglect, and complex family dynamics so they can feel grounded, safe, and whole.
